This is My Story

This is my story, this is my song Praising my Savior all the day long This is my story, this is my song Praising my Savior all the day long

-Blessed Assurance

Many of you have been asking about my story.. so here it goes.

When I was six years old I accepted Christ. I know that sounds young, but I genuinely wanted a relationship with Him. I had seen my parents faithfully serving Him and having a close walk with Him and I wanted that.

I remember the moment like it was yesterday. It was late at night. I was in my sister's room and my dad explained to me what it meant to be a Christian. I told my dad I wanted to accept Jesus into my heart. My dad then lead me in a quick prayer. That one little snippet of time is when my life truly began.

When I was 10 years old I got baptized. My dad got to baptize me at an event my church was having at a waterpark. This was one of the greatest moments of my life.

At age 11, my world turned upside down. I was diagnosed with scoliosis at my annual doctor appointment. It was only a 20 degree curve, but it felt like a stab in the heart to both me and my parents. My doctor told my parents to just wait and see if it got worse. Honestly, that was a mistake. Every single year it got worse, until finally my doctor recommended I go to see a scoliosis specialist.

I remember waiting anxiously after having an X-ray taken of my back at my first appointment with the specialist. A nurse walked in and explained that I would need a back brace to correct my spinal curve of around 40 degrees. It sounded like no big deal, but that is when my life drastically changed. After I got my back brace sized, everything I did revolved around wearing this bulky, plastic brace. The doctors explained to me that I could only take my brace off to dance. That meant I should have been wearing my back brace about 22-23 hours per day. I hated that brace. It was hot, itchy, and it was so painful to wear. Because it was so painful, I never wore it more than 8 hours a day. At each appointment, I tried to explain to my specialist that it hurt, but they really never did anything about it. I remember crying almost every single night for almost a year at age 14. It was one of the lowest points in my life. I was angry at God and I took my anger out on others.

Fast forward about 1 year... I was at my regular check-up for my scoliosis and I had just taken another X-ray. My dad and I were waiting in the doctor's office when multiple nurses and my specialist walked in. My specialist asked me if I did not like wearing my brace. I promptly replied yes. He responded with "Congratulations, you do not have to wear your brace anymore!" I was ecstatic. My curve had dramatically improved from around 40 degrees to about 34 degrees. I walked out of the hospital feeling like a million bucks.

The next summer, my specialist wanted to check my spinal curve one more time. I thought it was a closing appointment, sort of like "you look all good! you never have to come here again" type appointment. Boy was I wrong. I knew something was up when a flock of nurses and my specialist all walked in at the same time. They informed me that my curve had dramatically worsened- 52 degrees. In fact, my curve was so bad that they said I was a candidate for surgery. If it got any worse, I would need surgery. My whole world shattered. It felt like my plans for dance and other physical activities were gone forever. My parents felt so guilty. They felt that they could have prevented my curve from worsening, but instead they listened to the "wait and see" advice. I wanted to comfort my parents, tell them it wasn't their fault, but I was dealing with bitterness towards God. I was thinking, "why would He let this happen to me?" Because of my resentment toward God, I fell out of touch with other people. I let myself become isolated and so focused on school that I did not have many people I ever hung out with. Any constructive criticism I received I viewed as an attack. I decided I would no longer let people into my heart because they might hurt it. I was ashamed of myself. I did not believe I had value. I felt like I could not go to God for comfort. I went through this emotional rollercoaster for about a year.

The beginning of this year, my life changed. I attended a spiritual wellness conference and my whole person was transformed. The speakers at the conference talked about bitterness, how we should not hold onto it, and how God does not cause our diseases. Before this conference, I never fully realized how much bitterness and shame I held onto in my heart. I finally dealt with all the unforgiveness. I forgave God, I forgave my specialist, I forgave all the nurses, and I forgave myself. Am I completely healed from scoliosis? No. Am I still believing for healing? Oh yes! Most importantly though, my heart was healed! I have been set free! I have been redeemed! I am calling out healing for my scoliosis. I am believing for my miracle.

How about you? Have you dealt with your emotions? Has your heart been healed? Jesus is calling out to you. You are a child of the King, never forget who you are.

Xoxo,

Maddy